I am tired of relaxing.
How many times have I wished that someone would honestly tell me to be a lady of luxury.
I have longed for someone to tell me to 'put my feet up' and 'take it easy'.
I have dreamed of eating whatever I want whenever I wanted it and not having to lift a finger around the house.
All I have to say about that is be careful what you wish for!
I am 36 and 1/2 weeks pregnant with our 3rd baby and have been placed on bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy due to hypertension.
In the beginning of bedrest it was nice. It was a welcome change. That lasted for about a day. It is like being told that you have to have a good time.
It seems a bit cruel to tell a very pregnant woman to stay put when the strong urge to clean everything is upon her.
Being somewhat of a control freak and a little demanding (so I am told) it is really difficult to let someone else take care of the kids.
Especially when it is usually done in front of me.
Lately, I have developed an extrodinary talent of correcting anyone on dicipline techniques, cleaning, decorating and cooking.
It just seems to roll right out of my mouth before I have a chance to even think about what it is I am saying or why it bugs me now when it didn't before. In fact my mother who hardly ever swears, told me to stop bitching, and that people have to live with me!
Understandably too!
Even I am getting annoyed with myself.
It was only a month and a half ago that I was going out to playgroup with the kids 3 times a week, a pregnany class (with my 2 year old who cannot sit still) once a week and going out to socialize as much as I felt able to. I remember how tiring that was, but how good it felt to be out in the community and developing healthy relationships with other Moms.
Isolation and hermit-like behavour comes naturally to me under times of stress but I don't like what it does to my attitude.
From what I gather, anyone trying to help is a little tired of it too.
What I miss most
(and this is a real shocker!)
is going to church...
We have some new officers at the Army and their message is clear.
The way that I feel when I leave on Sundays is that I am not a bad person because I make mistakes.
We all make them, and eventhough I don't deserve it, God loves me and forgives me like only God can.
He isn't spiteful and angry that I made the same mistakes again and again. He isn't impatient with me.
He just loves me.
A love that is so strong that I can feel it when I am praying.
What a nice reminder that is.
I NEVER imagined that going to church would be important me.
It just kind of snuck-up on me and took hold.
I am grateful today for all of my blessings,
whether I understand them or not.
Love,
Barbara
posted by Barbara at 10:43 AM
4 Comments:
I have wondered how you were doing, if that baby had arrived. I'm so sorry you are having to relax. I had to do that with my second child and it was no picnic. I'll be praying for you (and for grace to be extended to you by those who have to live with you!) and for your family.
Dearest Barbara,
Well, this is an amazing post, full of wisdom and insight into self and self acceptance and love. It's a good thing God loves us like we are because NONE of us is exactly easy to live with at the best of times. Do you think this experience is helping us to grow?
Love,
Mom
P.S.
Blog about Babe is up.
Your mom let me know there was something cooking on your blog. And your post was well worth the trip. I,too, used to dream about being told to 'put my feet up' and 'take a rest' especially when I had young ones! You do have a lot to miss, even in the midst of your gratefulness for the help (although it would be nice if our helpers were a little more tractable). I hope that somehow church comes to you in this time of rest to give life.
Hey, I think it is time you did a post on your wonderful family.
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