Monday, March 17, 2008

I have just recently been to the doctor, and he found several abnormal types of breast tissue. I have a mammogram in April, I am still waiting to receive news about an ultrasound to confirm or rule out the possibility of breast cancer. I am completely devastated. Most of us are aware of the statistics where Breast Cancer is concerned. Frightening. I am currently in disbelief that this could be happening to me. I mean really,Why me??
Every day is an emotional struggle to find hope and security for the future. It is so interesting that I can let each day pass and not think about how or when we may not have the privilege to live a normal, productive life. However, when I discover the possibility of those horrific details prematurely, I believe that I have two choices.
A: I can run, hide in bed all day, not answer the phone, not tell anyone and struggle alone and not live the life you have left to the fullest.
B: I can truly live, maybe for the first time that I have in my whole life!! I could really put some thought into the life that I have been living thus far and the life that I have always wanted to live, for the cherished time that there is left.
Right now I am trying to take extra time admiring the beauty and innocence of my children, their thoughts, their little phrases.
One cute saying that I have always remembered was from my daughter, about a year ago.
She came home from school, and she sniffed loudly with a big smile on her face and said "what are we having for dinner? I can smell the 'sweetness' of pizza!!" I could only smile at that thought, I mean only a child trying to be understood could come up with that. My heart was glad.
I am trying, when I am not in too much physical pain, to play with the kids, with my husband, laugh, create new memories and remember to cherish old ones. When I can do this it is hard to think about what road I may have to trudge ahead of me. I want to live life now, while I can, I can feel sorry for myself when/if I am too sick to to anything else.
For now, I choose life. I choose love, and I am not going to retreat into doubt and despair.
Cancer is such a devastating disease, but I know that with enough awareness, enough hope, enough power-of-mind, that we can all win this battle. Not only for those who are afflicted with it, but also for those who are watching this happen to someone they care about.
Please join this cause, and help us all find a cure. One in eight women. 1 in 8!!!! Women will suffer with this particular disease in their lifetime. I believe that with perseverance, and the belief that we can all overcome this disease, we can all make a significant difference for the next generation, and the generations that will follow.
As for me, at this moment, I choose life. Wouldn't you?

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3 Comments:

Blogger Heidi Renee said...

praying - for you and your family - please keep us posted!

8:46 AM  
Blogger anj said...

I was thinking of your mom tonight, and came to your blog. Choosing life, it is a courageous choice you have made before right? I stand with you in that choice. Thanks for your honesty, it met me in a place tonight that was a wee bit sore and tender.

8:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm praying for you right now and trusting that everything is going to be ok.

5:37 AM  

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