I am tired of relaxing.

How many times have I wished that someone would honestly tell me to be a lady of luxury.

I have longed for someone to tell me to 'put my feet up' and 'take it easy'.

I have dreamed of eating whatever I want whenever I wanted it and not having to lift a finger around the house.

All I have to say about that is be careful what you wish for!

I am 36 and 1/2 weeks pregnant with our 3rd baby and have been placed on bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy due to hypertension.

In the beginning of bedrest it was nice. It was a welcome change. That lasted for about a day. It is like being told that you have to have a good time.

It seems a bit cruel to tell a very pregnant woman to stay put when the strong urge to clean everything is upon her.

Being somewhat of a control freak and a little demanding (so I am told) it is really difficult to let someone else take care of the kids.

Especially when it is usually done in front of me.

Lately, I have developed an extrodinary talent of correcting anyone on dicipline techniques, cleaning, decorating and cooking.

It just seems to roll right out of my mouth before I have a chance to even think about what it is I am saying or why it bugs me now when it didn't before. In fact my mother who hardly ever swears, told me to stop bitching, and that people have to live with me!

Understandably too!

Even I am getting annoyed with myself.

It was only a month and a half ago that I was going out to playgroup with the kids 3 times a week, a pregnany class (with my 2 year old who cannot sit still) once a week and going out to socialize as much as I felt able to. I remember how tiring that was, but how good it felt to be out in the community and developing healthy relationships with other Moms.

Isolation and hermit-like behavour comes naturally to me under times of stress but I don't like what it does to my attitude.

From what I gather, anyone trying to help is a little tired of it too.

What I miss most

(and this is a real shocker!)

is going to church...

We have some new officers at the Army and their message is clear.

The way that I feel when I leave on Sundays is that I am not a bad person because I make mistakes.

We all make them, and eventhough I don't deserve it, God loves me and forgives me like only God can.

He isn't spiteful and angry that I made the same mistakes again and again. He isn't impatient with me.

He just loves me.

A love that is so strong that I can feel it when I am praying.

What a nice reminder that is.

I NEVER imagined that going to church would be important me.

It just kind of snuck-up on me and took hold.

I am grateful today for all of my blessings,

whether I understand them or not.

Love,

Barbara